To the people who think I’m handling trauma the “wrong” way:

Trigger Warning:
This post includes content related to trauma, abuse, suicide, mental health struggles, chronic illness, systemic neglect, medical and psychiatric mistreatment, harassment, and family betrayal. Please proceed with caution if these topics may be triggering or distressing to you.

I’ve shared my story because I want others going through similar struggles to know they’re not alone. I’m not seeking attention—I’m sharing the brutal truth of my experiences in the hope that others can find strength and solidarity. But to those of you who think you know better, here’s the summary I sent to HeartSupport:

I’m not “suicidal,” “delusional,” or “unstable.” I’m surviving an onslaught of trauma, systemic failure, and emotional abuse from a caregiver who initially offered to help but has since sabotaged my every effort to escape. This includes medical neglect, financial abuse, and constant harassment from family. My income puts me at 80% of the Federal Poverty Level, and every effort to get help from legal aid, social services, housing authorities, and others has led to gaslighting or outright silence.

How would you handle all of this? What do you think you’d do, in my shoes, when the system is against you and your abuser is the one you have to live with? Please think before you speak.

I won’t let the ignorant and hateful drown out the purpose behind sharing this. I do it for awareness, and to show others who feel alone that their voices matter.

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SUMMARY FOR HEARTSUPPORT PEER COUNSELOR – CELESTIA QUIXS
(Read in full before our first session)

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❗️Why I’m Reaching Out

This is not a situational crisis.
This is a complex, long-term, multi-systemic collapse of all avenues of support—medical, mental health, legal, spiritual, familial, and financial—following a series of high-trauma events beginning in 2019.

I’m here because I’ve exhausted every path, and I need a peer supporter who can hear this without minimizing or rerouting me.

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MURDER-SUICIDE + CRIME SCENE CLEANUP (2019)

In January 2019, I experienced a family murder-suicide and was enlisted by family to help clean up the crime scene. There was no trauma team, no response follow-up, and no mental health or community support.

The result was:

• Family and friends withdrawing from me, saying I was “too negative”
• Churches ignoring requests for spiritual help
• Entire support systems shutting down due to the discomfort of others with the reality I could not hide
• Denial of mental healthcare, citing Medicare Panel Full

This was not a single traumatic incident—it was the beginning of five years of escalating abandonment, sabotage, and denial of care.

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MEDICAL BLACKLISTING + SYSTEMIC DISMISSAL

After this trauma, I was:

• Formally dismissed from an entire physician network after being diagnosed with Fusarium colonization of my lungs
• That dismissal followed me across state lines, preventing me from reestablishing primary care
• Blocked from accressing my Medicare Part C benefits due to either administrative barriers or embedded stigma in my chart
• Rerouted, gaslit, or ignored by every agency from OIG to patient advocacy groups, social services, elected officials, and news outlets

Every avenue I’ve pursued—from legal to spiritual—has shut the door.

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MEDICAL + PSYCHIATRIC ABUSE (2023)

In June 2023, after a suicide attempt, I was placed on a legal psychiatric hold. While there:

• A physician yelled at me when I requested that my blood pressure be taken later instead of immediately accepting hypertension meds while under extreme duress
• I witnessed other patients being yelled at and ridiculed, including multiple unreported falls, because EMTs had started questioning why there were so many
• No trauma-informed care was provided, only containment and blame

Just four days after my release, my family resumed coordinated online stalking, harassment, and bullying—including in January 2025 when my adult grandchildren trolled my Official YouTube Artist Channel during a public premiere.

The abuse is continuous, and digital harassment has become part of their long-term attempt to drive me back toward self-harm.

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CURRENT HEALTH + CIRCUMSTANCES

I live with:

• Hereditary Chronic Pancreatitis – life-threatening and worsened by stress
• Pulmonary Fibrosis & Bronchiectasis – oxygen-dependent lung disease
• Probable Aspergillus colonization (originally misdiagnosed as Fusarium, untreated)
• Levofloxacin-caused mobility issues (prescribed to clear P. aeurginosa pneumonia 3 months before being diagnosed with Fusarium in my lungs)
• CPTSD – with deeply somatic symptoms and no access to trauma-informed care
• Extreme medication sensitivity, history of serotonin syndrome, no access to appropriate pharmaceutical support

I am:

• Completely sober 24/7 (alcohol is contraindicated, cannabis causes dissociation)
• Denied pain management, psychiatric care, and case advocacy

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WHERE I LIVE + ECONOMIC SABOTAGE

I currently live with my ex-husband (John), who:

• Initially offered to be my caregiver
• Has since become emotionally and financially abusive
• Sabotages my efforts to save money to leave through manufactured emergencies
• Interferes with my ability to sell items (eBay) and maintain digital income streams

APS failed to intervene, instead giving him clearance to continue “helping,” further legitimizing the abuse.

My SSDI and SDCERA pension combined is $400 over the gross income test limit for any asstance, including housing, SNAP, Medicaid Supplements

My income is at 80% Federal Poverty level and sliding-scale, income restricted housing has 2-year long waiting lists

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COMPLETE SYSTEM FAILURE

I have reached out to:

• Medicare, social services, housing authorities
• Legal aid, patient rights offices, ombuds programs, law enforcement
• News outlets, elected officials, clergy, and churches

And every time, I’ve been met with:

• Gaslighting
• Silence
• Or referral to fake or inaccessible resources

Even mental health and peer support groups have doubted the scope of my situation.
But I’ve kept meticulous, time-stamped documentation of everything—and I’m willing to share if that’s what it takes to be believed.

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WHO I AM

• I am a vested, retired HHSA employee—I know how systems are supposed to work
• I’m an author, music and graphic artist, and video creator—my work is public and documented
• My books are published on Amazon, I created a merch store, and publish music on Bandcamp to help support myself
• I have an opinion blog on which I share essays about my experiences to raise awareness
• I wrote the song “CQ3DX, No Bite” as a response to being told “everyone has problems” while carrying an impossible stack of crises alone

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WHAT I NEED FROM YOU

I am:

• Not suicidal
• Not unstable
• Not delusional

But I am:

• Exhausted beyond measure
• Surviving without support in a world that punishes resilience
• Done being rerouted, minimized, or pushed off onto another hotline

I am high-functioning because I have to be, not because I’m “fine.”
If you’re able to hold the full scope of what I’ve just shared—then I welcome our conversation.
If not, I ask for the respect of honesty before I invest more time and energy.

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Celestia Quixs
https://linktr.ee/CelestiaQuixs