After legally changing my name to reclaim my identity and healing, my family responded with a gag gift deadnaming me. This essay explores the dynamics of toxic families, scapegoating, and reclaiming selfhood after abuse.
Deadnaming & Scapegoating
Tag: Family Scapegoat
The Burden of Righteousness
My life is a relentless tide of trauma upon trauma, with every painful memory vividly replayed by hyperthymesia. In the face of such overwhelming suffering, compounded by mental health crises and misdiagnosis, I sought meaning in the Tzadikim mythology—the idea that hidden righteous individuals sustain the world through their pain. What began as a desperate comfort, however, soon ignited a fierce, righteous indignation. This essay explores how personal anguish challenges spiritual notions of suffering, demanding recognition, justice, and a world that finally acknowledges its share of the burden.
What ARE You?
From the time we are toddlers, we are asked by the adults around us, “What do you want to BE when you grow up?” My answer to that was always, “I want to be a MOMMY.” Even when different answers came out of my mouth as my interests grew and the adults tried to steer … Continue reading What ARE You?
Triggered, Attention-seeking, and Playing the Victim?
Everyone deals differently with grief and loss caused by death. One thing that is universal, though, is that a tragic death; i.e., death of a child or violent death, within a family tears most families apart in one way or another. My family—immediate, family of origin, and extended—has seen within it the cancer death of … Continue reading Triggered, Attention-seeking, and Playing the Victim?
Navigating Family Resentment After a Father’s Death
The author reflects on their unique relationship with their father, noting the attention and love received due to their efforts and respect towards him. They acknowledge the resentment from siblings who feel entitled to similar treatment without exerting the same effort. Following their father's death, the author faces isolation from their siblings' true feelings, leading to a sense of abandonment as they prioritize their own well-being.
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