This essay conveys a strong message about empathy and accountability. It emphasizes the importance of truly understanding and addressing others’ needs, as well as being open to learning from mistakes. This is a Call to Action that includes considering the perspectives of others, actively listening and empathizing, and being open to feedback and self-improvement. It encourages open and transparent communication that can help build trust and understanding in relationships.
Jesus didn’t say, “I want you to school me on how to better carry my burdens.” He said, “Take up my yoke and learn from me.” I can hear it now, “You’re comparing yourself to Jesus?” In a way, yes; because, he also said, “Love one another as I have loved you.”
The English translation got it twisted. “Take up my yoke and learn from me; because, my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” You left out some words. It was supposed to read, “Take up my yoke and learn from me; because when you do, my yoke becomes easy and my burden becomes light.” But, y’all want to make the strongest of you carry the most weight. And then, you turn around and call them weak when they begin to struggle and falter under the pressure.
If someone whom I love, asks me to take up their burdens as my own and learn from them and I say, “No, it’s not my problem” or “You’re the one with the problem asking for help; so, take what I’m offering” I’m not loving them as Jesus loved me.
This is the revelation I woke up with this morning after being told in so many words, before I went to sleep, “Don’t blame your mentor as being ‘the last straw’ that causes you Suicidal Ideation just because they made a mistake. All humans make mistakes.” And from my caregiver immediately after I read that email saying, “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
So, “Don’t say, “Ow!” if I step on your toe. It will make me feel bad, if you tell me I hurt you and I don’t think that’s fair; because, I’m trying to help you and I don’t want you to make me feel bad when I make mistakes.” And, “I didn’t mean to hurt you. So, keep your mouth shut when I accidentally do.”
Don’t all motivational speakers say, “We learn our greatest lessons from the mistakes we make”? So, you don’t want to learn from your mistakes; because, it’s uncomfortable to be called out? Why do people think the downtrodden are the only ones in a position to learn?
You want those you help to be so grateful they give you a free pass not to be called out on the mistakes you make? That sounds a lot like altruistic narcissism. You think mentors are above learning from their students? The best teachers I’ve ever had have said they learned their greatest lessons from their students questioning them.
The mentality you’re projecting is, “Take what you get and like it; because, beggars can’t be choosers.” I say, “You don’t throw crumbs at someone who is starving. That’s just cruel.”
When someone asks for help, a helpful person will ask, “How can I help? What do you need?” You don’t help someone by helping them the way YOU want. You help them by giving them what they need.
This reminds me of the time my mother said to me, “If you need help, you don’t get to pick and choose what kind of help you get,” when I told her I did not want to accept a ride across country in an SUV with my cats, if my sister, the driver, is going to bring her German Shepherd. My response? “I absolutely DO get to choose what help I will accept; especially when, it’s MY MONEY that is financing the entire road trip!”
What my mother said to me was about as retarded as saying, “If you’re hungry, you’ll eat this food to stop the hunger pangs, even if, it will cause you to go into anaphylactic shock.”
It also reminds me of the time my daughter called her mentor asking questions about the negative reports she was seeing in the news about the financial services company he brought her into learning about. After seeing the reports, she contacted the State Insurances and Securities Board to inquire about complaints they might have received about the company and was told there were several, some closed, some open; but, they were unable to divulge to her what the complaints were about and what the disposition of the closed ones were.
In an attempt to get answers to her questions, she called her mentor and asked him to explain. His response was, “Why do you want to shit on this opportunity I’m giving you?” So, she quit. She felt uncomfortable being told by an adult that her intelligent questions were annoying to him, when those questions were all about her being able to make an informed decision about her involvement. She was not about to accept, “Trust me; because, I said so. Trust me; because I know more than you.” She was of the opinion, “If you know more than me, share the information; so, I can make an informed decision for myself. You brought me in to learn and, now, you’re withholding information. If you’re refusing to be transparent, if there’s something to hide, I don’t want to be involved.”
If someone is experiencing trust and abandonment issues and those emotions are triggered by a delay in your response or your response failing to be what the person was looking for, you don’t get to say to them, “Don’t feel that way. I didn’t cause you to feel that way. Your feelings are your feelings. It was not my intention to hurt you; so, don’t say that I did.”
Everyone wants to drop the bar for themselves to “good enough”. At the same time, no one wants to allow others to say they are “good enough” You know why? Because, we are ALL supposed to work toward being our greatest version, not just those who ask for help. And, if those who ask for help are pushing you toward being your greatest version, that’s a good thing. It’s a good thing for someone to want the best for you. Wanting you to become your greatest version IS wanting the best for you.
So, if you are helping someone and they catch feelings about something you did and they tell you about it, why do YOU get to say, “Stop pushing me, man!” and they don’t?
If you really don’t mean to hurt someone, why are you afraid of being told you hurt someone? If you really don’t mean to hurt someone, you would want to know when you do; so, you can adjust your sails. But, you want them to just be grateful they are in a boat. Being in a boat with a captain who refuses to trim the sails when necessary, well, that gets neither of you to safe harbor.
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Ever wonder what that means? It means ‘good’ people saying, “I didn’t mean to step on your toe. So, don’t tell me that it hurt when I stepped on your toe.” When you hide behind your good intentions, refusing to learn from your mistakes and, thus, repeat them and continue to cause someone pain, that causes them to live in Hell. It also leads you to Dante’s level of Hell for those who chose to be willfully ignorant.
You don’t get to tell someone it didn’t hurt when you inadvertently caused pain just because you didn’t intend to cause pain. You ARE actually responsible for how your foot lands. And, if you are closed to hearing about a bad landing, how can you ever become a better dancer?
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